Day 2 of the 31 Days of Devotion asks “How did you become first aware of this deity?” I briefly tapped upon this in an update I did regarding Hekate coming back into my life but will try and best explain and go into more depth here.
I entered into practicing witchcraft at a very young age. I found some books on Wicca and NeoPaganism in my local library and devoured them as a kid. I felt the calling deep within me and needed to find what I could to appease my hunger for knowledge. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with Wicca – notably the concept of Harm None and that the Gods are Archetypes that are all faces of 2 deities or, really, 1. I had visions and visitations from spirits, ghosts, and Gods and these visitations did not always add up to the idea of All-Are-One. Still, I could only go on what I had access to.
Some of the visions I had as a teenager made me both scared and intrigued and all of these, looking back on them, were related to “dark Goddesses” that had a link to Hekate, the Underworld, and witchcraft and/or oracular work. I read what I could, talked to whoever would talk to me, and experimented with spell work as best I could.
By the time I was out of the broom closet, I was legally an adult and meeting with people of various paths but most of them were of the same New Age ilk. One, when I told him I was drawn to Hekate, responded that Hekate was a low-vibration deity who was far beneath the greater deities like the Abrahamic God and the new age Cosmic All-Love. While this didn’t ring true to me, my insecurities around my practice and beliefs did not allow me to say otherwise or even fight back at the doubts these people instilled in me. This was also a time when I was told it was wrong, perhaps even evil, to desire power, knowledge, and magick. The push to sit on my yoga mat and meditate with crystals instead of getting my hands dirty with witchcraft would pop up and batter at me over the years off and on.
I went through my “dark night of the soul” and the Dark Goddesses were there for me. Hekate, Oya, and others were my aid when I had my miscarriage and when I clawed at the bullshit that I’d allowed to effect me over the years. The year of healing that happened after was also the beginning of a much deeper healing that would take nearly 5 years total.
Hekate Calling to me this year was something I didn’t hear initially. Though I worked with Her before my pregnancy, it was as if there was some sort of deal made out of earshot and I was passed from Her hands into the hands of the All-Mother Frigga. For 3 years my focus went to the Norse pantheon, ancestor veneration, and learning how to work with the Gods, Unverified Personal Gnosis (UPG), correct methods of divination, cleansing miasma, and more. I would not have learned these things if I had not been brought down the path of Northern Tradition Paganism the way I was. It was as if Hekate had sent me on a strange journey north, to the land of my Ancestors, to a strange boarding school of Arctic worlds in order to learn and this year came to collect me.
No one can say what would happen if we walked a different path than the one that brought us here but I do not know that I would have been made into a proper devotee without those 3 years in the metaphorical and literal north (I was in Alaska when this happened). If I hadn’t been called upon by Frigga during my pregnancy and childbirth, I might have remained still tethered to the NeoPagan community.
By turning to the Northern Pagan Tradition, I found a community cut off from Wicca and similar systems, wholly unto themselves in their blend of ancient lore and modern UPG. I learned from teachers like Galina Krasskova and Raven Kaldera how to approach spirits and spirit work in a way that is honorable and respectful – ways not even broached in the books I’d previously read. While I will not be approaching Hekate in the same ways as I do Frigga or other Norse deities, I will in that it will be respectful and utilizing ancient textual research as well as information gleaned from my updated methods of divination and stronger intuition.
In short, Hekate called me when I was very young through witchcraft. She worked with what was available to me, helping me to find Her in the mire and mists of time and jumbled teachings. Her voice has been varying from soft whispers in the back of my mind to harsh demands that I cannot ignore no matter how I try. While I have free will to choose, I do not want to risk knowing a life without the Gods, without Her, so I am determined to listen to Hekate Calling.
“I banish now the shadows of doubt from my mind,
Infused by the silence and warmth of our union
I feel your golden radiance within my heart
And the glory of knowledge on my brow,
I am a student of your mysteries.”
~ Rite of Her Sacred Fires