If you’ve been following me on Instagram the last few days, you have probably seen some posts that might confuse you. (If you don’t follow me on Instagram…why the hell not? Go follow me now then come back). I am participating in Layla Saad’s #MeAndWhiteSupremacy challenge. The challenge is all about Shadow Working White Supremacy – in laymans terms its instagram prompts for white people to work out publically in their social media space in order to see how we are complicit to racism. Yea, real, raw, tough, emotional, hard shit all in public on my Instagram account…
Choosing Shadow Working White Supremacy
For me, Shadow Work, is a huge part of doing magick and doing it in a way that is powerful and gets me what I want. Sounds selfish and unrelated but stay with me.
One of the things I want most in all the world is to create a life that I feel safe and powerful in that my child will also grow up to feel safe and powerful. Interesting goal as a white cisgendered woman no matter my Pagan life path and pansexuality – still sounds unrelated, but hold on, there’s more.
I don’t currently feel safe in the world. Misogyny is rampant in a world of in-cels and MRAs and groups that hide their sexual and racial prejudice behind their Heathen religion. Every group I’ve heard of that is openly racist is also against women and LGBTQ+ so this is not just a problem for POC peers, its a problem for me.
While somewhat unrelated – Its also a problem for my white cisgendered heterosexual husband who fears to wear his religious symbols openly for fear of being lumped in with neo-Nazis that he hates. I mention this here because I want to drive home the fact that if one group in our society has a problem, it is a symptom of all of our society. Racism is like a disease – some symptoms are far worse and harrowing (racist acts against POC) than other symptoms (problems white people have that are caused by racism). I don’t say this at all to minimize the problems People of Color suffer of course. I simply wanted to share to encourage other white people to see that this is not just “they’re problem.” Its Our Problem.
How can I create a world I desire to live in? By standing up for my own rights, of course, but also by being an ally to others who deserve the same rights I have and desire. I cannot reach for and fight for power as a white cis woman without also lifting up my fellow humans who are People of Color, who are Trans, who are non-binary, who are disabled, and more.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. It came to a head when my husband and I decided to attend a local Heathen event and were worried that the attendees were racists (turns out they’re not, yay!). The event was to celebrate the Summer Solstice and I began to think about how this would be a good time of the year for shadow work – the descent or dying of the Sun until Winter Solstice. My schedule is usually pretty busy in the fall and winter so I decided to choose now for my deep dive into shadow for the year.
As soon as I made that decision, the manifestation of it came into my path. A friend informed me that she too was thinking about racism and how she can use her platform and white privilege to become a better ally. Articles and posts began popping up on the subject. Finally, I came across the #MeAndWhiteSupremacy challenge.
Me And White Supremacy Challenge…so far…
I won’t lie. This challenge has been difficult and its only just the beginning.
Having a mirror held up and revealed my complicity in a system of racism that I hate…is uncomfortable to say the least. I don’t see it getting easier mostly because I won’t allow myself to make it easy. It shouldn’t be easy and Lords and Ladies and All do not take this cup from me because this bitter drink will hopefully be the detox I need.
Unexpectedly – the most uncomfortable part isn’t the diving deep and responding to the prompts (thought that is uncomfortable, for sure). Its when my phone pings at me and I see someone has liked my post and commented words of love and encouragement. That was when I felt pangs of unease and distress.
I almost asked people to stop liking my posts!
You see, I feared that people would see me doing this and think I was trying to come off as egotistical, holier than thou, white savior, and other other Becky-bullshit. I don’t want a pat on the back and a cookie for finally dealing with the deeply ingrained bullshit that I should have dealt with years ago. It felt like people were congratulating me on admitting I’m a bitch and Gods that was sickening.
I had to sit with this and, though I still feel embarrassed and guilty, I accept each heart and kind comment now with love and gratitude because its suppressing my ego-ic fear of being seen when I am processing my shadow.
Thank you Afua and Rozz for your encouragment and love! Thank you other white babes that are doing this challenge and have sent me love and comments. Thank you to my friends that have liked my posts. Thank you for seeing me and sending me compassion as I deal with myself.
Shadow Working White Supremacy for me isn’t done. We’ve only been at it for a week and its a 28 day challenge. On top of that, this will be a process I will need to do again and again not only to get through the layers of my own programming but also as I filter the world we all live in and its shadows of racism, sexism, ableism, etc. Its unending but so are the blessings that come from it. Good magick.
If you are interested in this shadow working, join me on Instagram, follow @WildMysticWoman and #MeAndWhiteSupremacy. You can join in whenever.